Good news, everyone! We're logged onto the internet! But I guess we've been on the internet for a while.

Is Tinder just the "Filthy, Filthy Chat Room" of 2017? Is leading your Tinder profile with announcing you are a cyclops and the last of your species a winning tactic? Is Tinder available on computers?

Also we don't just talk about Tinder, we talk about Futurama too, I guess. This episode is brought to you by Steamy Presidential MP3s.

Ben destroys a shipment of popcorn. Mike is eaten by online advertisements.

Good news, everyone! Some day you will become old and die and you will need a successor to carry on your life's work. When you are attempting to select a successor, remember that blood is thicker than water, but podcasts are even thicker. (Please leave us your vast fortune! Please?)

Also we sort of end up talking a lot about the coolness of Dungeons and Dragons and for real candles that are pretty good. Oh yeah, and there's a clone involved too. We talk about that.

Ben limbos under the stove. Mike designs trendy nightspots and beautiful women.

Are you ready for this week's episode? Just make sure you've already submitted your requisite podcast enjoyment form and submitted it to the Central Bureaucracy. Expected wait time for the delivery of this episode is 4-6 years after they have received this form. Appeals can be made to the committee of internet gags and goofs under regulation 2-87, article K.

Ben is made a fool of by time. Mike is technically correct: the best kind of correct.

Howdy, y'all! Today we're goin' to the deep, deep south, to check out the city of Delta Hub! I mean... Atlanta! Make sure to take your pressure pill and grab a trash bag full of oxygen.

Oh yeah, and there are mermaids. That's kind of an important part of this episode. And are you #teamsquid or #teamwhale? And of course, we talk about a Futurama dating site that doesn't actually exist but probably should.

Ben tames land sea lions. Mike questions physics.

Want to meet at our social club? If not, let's meet at our secret mafia podcast headquarters.

If you want to steal some Zuban cigars, or blast a spice weasel in somebody's eye, or own a meat market that is DEFINITELY NOT a front, this podcast is for you. However, we offer you this warning: DO NOT CLAMP.

Ben is an evil hipster. Mike delivers a rant.

It's Mother's Day! Have you called your mother? Have you vowed to her your unending quest to rebel and take over the planet for her? If not, you should. All she wants is to be the unquestioned overlord of Earth.

Also, be prepared for this one to get weird. Because it gets weird. That's... really all we have to say about this one. None of us were comfortable. You may not be comfortable.

Ben reveals secrets about his twin. Mike enters Ben's Euphemism Corner...?

This week's episode is brought to Fishy Joe's and their extreme Walrus Juice! Ride the Walrus!

We're talking about Popplers. What are Popplers? They're food... I guess? Or some kind of creature? Is it okay to eat them?

We also talk a lot about a lot of other foods... Rocky Mountain Oysters? Yes. Guacamole? Yes. Hot dogs? Yes. Baking soda and capers? Yes. So we hope you brought your appetite.

Ben eats bull testicles. Mike gets some good poll results.

They say "what if" is a dangerous question to ax, but here at Back to the Futurama, we think it's an INTERESTING question!

In the first non-canonical episode, we get tales about giant murderous robots, normal sized murderous Leela, and Al Gore doing some things. It's more interesting than it sounds.

Also we talk a lot about Hanson a lot more than we really should but it's not bad. We promise.

Ben looks up Hanson at work. Mike wants a big cereal.

War! Huh! Good God, what is it good for? TALKIN' A LOT ABOUT BALLS, APPARENTLY.

Seriously. We talk a lot about balls today and we're sorry but it is also very relevant to the story. Because balls are involved.

We also maybe have some hot news about Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Yep, totally real news. Other things we talk about is pretending to be a man to go to war (like Mulan!) and also the crushes you get on women pretending to be men to go to war (I don't remember that happening in Mulan). Also Sports Buttslaps and fine mesh screens.

Ben gets put on a stamp. Mike makes Speedy Gonzales look like Regular Gonzales.

Today we have a shocking tale of HORROR! What if you couldn't control yourself when the clock strikes midnight and you turn into a... car?

Also we feel this is probably the episode we end up talking the least about Futurama. We got distracted by a lot of things. Things like Turbo Wolf (Coming to theaters... never), some bizarre infomercial products, Amazon products, and a literal guest appearance by... a car?

We also do talk about Futurama a bit. So give it a listen!

Ben shoots some fuzzy craps. Mike prescribes makeup.